Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
