May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
