I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.