you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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