i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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