so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
