I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
