Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
