u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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