I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
