bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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