3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
