Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
