Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
well, you know. whores of a feather.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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