ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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