I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
