His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
