I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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