We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
