alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
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Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
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