so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
