i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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