Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
