i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
