I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize