Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
