dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
