Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
