Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
