Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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