Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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