Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
