if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got chris browned last night
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
