i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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