i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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