I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
