When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
