when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My penis needs a shock collar
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
