Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
