So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
