So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you traded sex for a burrito?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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