I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
