Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
