I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
