i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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