Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
