and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
