I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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