Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
