Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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