so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
