Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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