A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
