butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
