Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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