i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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