I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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