They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
