he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
