I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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