Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
