if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Pooping to opera.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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