so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
