Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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