mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
