What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
