I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
