im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
