And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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