Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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