a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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