The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
