Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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