Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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