do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
