I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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