I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
wakey wakey hands off snakey
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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