shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
