Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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