seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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