All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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