So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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