Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
