Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
