At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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