is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
