Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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