when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
