Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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