just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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