Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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